Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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