My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
