I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize