He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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