If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did i walk over a car last night?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
