dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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