i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Randomize
