She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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