He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
