You made me cry and you don't even care
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
