dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
