if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
