i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
