oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
