I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
