There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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