How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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