Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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