i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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