lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My Sexting was not on an AP level
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize