I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
