My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Randomize
