I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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