either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
