You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
