I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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