Kiss
Puke
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
