This girl is more easily done than said...
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
