He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
