hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
