friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
