I can feel you judging me through the phone.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
