I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
