i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
