I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My ATM looks so different sober.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize