Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
