Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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