I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
