Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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