I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
