the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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