Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
