Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
