weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
