i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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