Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
