so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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