That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
