I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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