now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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