dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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