Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
