well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
All I want is dick and wine.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize