apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
