So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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