Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
