god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm getting married
To pizza
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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