Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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