you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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