Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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