You're completely useless in the revolution.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
