2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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