Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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