Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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