oh god the rape fog is back!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
