You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
