dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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