why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
