Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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