Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
