I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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