I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
