but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
