So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
