i just wanna soil my oats bro
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
