You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
