i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
