and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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