I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we made out on top of his cat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
