Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
