I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
