i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
