As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
