we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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