i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
