It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
