Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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