sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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