it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
