I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
