i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
its liver damage thursday
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
