you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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