Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When are your genitals available?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
