You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize