Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
