so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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