We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sarcasm needs its own font
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize