i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
