You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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