I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Randomize
