dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
