So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
