it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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