ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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