Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
