I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
