My nipple is on Facebook.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize