Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
