I can text with my tongue
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
