Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
