It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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