This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
God I need to hump something, right now.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
