**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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