i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My breasts were aching with rage.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
