i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
