Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
